The ultimate Pacific Solution to the Asylum Seeker issue

In between a long absence, a Federal election has been called, and once again, the poor asylum seekers have been dragged back into the headlines as a "major" issue (notwithstanding their actual low numbers). With the Libs wanting to reopen Nauru's "Camp Abbott" and Labor looking to build a resort in Timor, I have delved into the book of old good ideas, and suggest a much better "Pacific Solution". Having already excised numerous islands from the migration zone, why not continue and excise the main island, and at the same time, erase Australia from all navigational charts and maps, which will mean that the people smugglers will no longer be able to find this already overpopulated country (try peak hour in Broome- seriously horrendous!! however could we cope with more...). This would offer the ultimate Pacific Solution, where asylum seekers, no longer being able to chart a course to Australia, would wander the Pacific Ocean for years trying to find landfall. Take that to the electorate!!

The ideal solution to offshore processing

The grounding of the Chinese coal carrier Sheng Neng on the Great Barrier Reef has provided the Australian authorities with the ideal offshore processing centre for "illegal immigrants", now that Christmas Island is approaching its full capacity. Providing an ideal floating (but stuck fast) platform far from the mainland, the Sheng Neng is the ideal hulk to take all those problematic people seeking to flee persecution, famine, war etc..... Which makes me think, was the grounding of the ship really an accident, or was it a deliberate act of the immigration department?? If another ship runs aground soon after the Christmas Island "no vacancy" sign pops up, I will have some serious doubts.

There's just nothing like a new slogan!

Gee whiz, just as the last tourism slogan starts bringing in the visitors the Australian Tourism Office throws it out in favour of a new one- there's nothing like Australia! And the public is invited to add there opinion about what is so special. So here is mine.... there's nothing quite like Austalia's welcome! Especially if you are wanting a better life.... we are happy for you to visit, but please don't stay! (unless you can run fast, jump, or generally be a good chance of winning a medal at any sport).

Australian tourism campaign takes off

For some time now, some members of the media, and politicians, have reignited the controversy around Australia's immigration policies and border security policy. The blame has been laid at the feet of the Labor government, and their reversal of the draconian mandatory detention policies, and ending the Pacific Solution. What these people fail to consider is the impact of the Australian Tourism Office campaign, which was derided at the time for failing to bring in the numbers. Finally, the "Where the bloody hell are you" message is bringing in dividends, though it may seemingly have been targeted at the wrong market (!)..... And for those who are up in arms about all the arrivals, .... wouldn't you do the same- leave a war-torn, economically ravaged country, for a better life on a nice beach?

Institute of Harpoon Research

The news is awash with the drama on the high seas of the Southern Ocean. The collision between the Ady Gil of the Sea Shepherd group and one of the Japanese whaling (correction, I mean research) ships has created quite some controversy, with the ripples being felt all the way in landlocked Canberra. The Japanese Institute of Cetacean Research claims its right to conduct research into whales’ resilience to harpoons, which is fair enough…. After all, what better way to protect whales than finding out what kills them!

The Copenhagen Gentleman's Club

Firstly, Happy New Year to you all, and may 2010 be a memorable year for good news! Copenhagen came to the news in December with a fanfare and departed with a whimper.

Getting "behind the news", the failure of the negotiations stems from all the delegates being too polite. Being gentlemen (and women) of good breeding, each country's delegates offered others to step through the "firm targets" door first, and with so many people trying to hold the door open, no-one could enter! This demonstrates that real leadership requires people to let go of polite conventions, and push in! Step over the others, and say, "hey, if no-one wants to take the lead, we will". Alas, not for moment, so, for the time being, each country and mouth the platitudes of how much they are doing without any one showing real commitment.

Finally- how do you decrease greenhouse gas emissions? Fly 15,000 delegates to Copenhagen for a fortnight, and fly the back home again! I wonder if all the flights were offset!??

The "Wong" Equation

Australia has come out as a champion of holistic thinking in Copenhagen. Wanting to remove land use emissions from the accounts, whilst adding land use credits, it is clear that the sum of the parts is greater (or less) than the whole (or is that a hole in the sum?).... I have named this great new construct the "Wong" equation. If you can find anything wong with it, please contact the Australian Department of Climate Change (where the Change is readily explained by the maths!)